Jacob Forgive Me
by GriffinBMaldonado
Summary: The Deputy - a masked rebel ripping through Hope County, earning more than a reputation when it comes to the destruction of the cult Eden's Gate. However, when this Rook is captured by Jacob Seed, uncertainty plagues an unmasked mind. (One part. I would greatly appreciate reviews - even if it's just saying why you didn't finish it)


Red. Red sky, red dirt. Red food. The bars red with rust, ground red with blood. I was red with blood. On my back, the ceiling boards mirrored the red sunset around them. My throat's inside was red it was so raw, the outside clawed with thirst to be nearly the same shade. A red fire crackled in a formerly red oil barrel not far from my cage.

It's as if the entire camp echoed my captor's head of red hair.

Pounding ravaged my skull as I turned towards the exit. My Achilles heel lay just feet in front of me, centimeters beyond my reach: an old wooden music box. Torture. Controlled by something I could crush in my fist. Something my fingertips brushed in a panic before that deceivingly sweet melody flooded my ears and caused my mind to turn to angry, malleable mush.

Each day was a fight. Hunger had abandoned licking my insides, retired deep into the pits of my stomach. Every ache for food and sleep had reduced to a dull thrum.

_But I won't stop fighting - I'm not weak_.

The Collapse, as the cultists of Eden's Gate called it, would soon be upon us. The great end of the world. Bunkers with food and water were armed to the teeth, three of them to be exact.

Bunch of loonies in a small county to me.

Hope county, under the rule of Joseph Seed had been divided into four sectors: Joseph Seed, The Father, ruled a small compound on an isolated island in the middle while maintaining true control over all; Faith Seed, The Siren, managed the South East sector with her hallucinogenic drug Bliss and her God forsaken Angels; John Seed, The Baptist, dictated the South West sector with his four sadistic steps to salvation and 'the power of yes.' The fourth and final sector, the Northern Whitetail Mountains, was a different story. The other three fell under a category of insanity. Insanity can be predictable, repetitive. While horrific, it was something to be worked with. However, the leader of the Whitetail Mountains was not delusional, like The Father, savage, like The Baptist, or crank, like The Siren. Jacob Seed, The Soldier, was the worst an enemy can be: cunning and powerful.

He was always three steps ahead. His drug induced classical conditioning had us all in his palm - barely even taking one dose for mindless killing. The music box was the trigger. It hurt. It hurt to lose myself, but it happened anytime he wanted it to. One line, one line from that dreaded song and I was lulled into massacring whomever Jacob wanted. He was that powerful.

I knew his plan. I figured it out the last time he used that abhorrent music box. Although cluttered, disheveled, and misty, the last section of that terror he put me in was the Wolf's Den, it's final room Eli's usual residence. The man I shot in the drug induced facade was a dummy, intended to represent the head of the Whitetail resistance. That was my "purpose" - the weaks' "purpose." To do as they're told, act as they're told - kill who they're told.

_But I'm not weak_.

I grinned to myself. It was his own fault for making me so damned skinny. Malnourished, angry and adrenalized, I began to push through the rusted metal cage. Bars crushed my face. This wasn't working. I pushed until I thought I would crack in half and then pushed some more - but I knew what needed to be done.

After half a minute, I resigned and pulled back. I didn't want to, I really didn't want to. But I had to. My hand clasped itself around my metal adornment. My filter. My protection. My identity. You think dozens of bulky men, veteran women, experienced fighters, would get behind the face of a girl not yet twenty five? No. Those behind me forgot that Dep and Rook were names short for Junior Deputy. None of them saw me the day at that church, even if they had, sunglasses hid my youthful face. They only saw an ageless anarchist, a devilish metal mask that freed their people.

In all honesty, it's all I had started to see too. The mask let me lose myself, fall into mob mentality and kill when needed. I had to more often than hoped. I didn't have to tell anyone anything about me. Hell, I hadn't used my voice since flying into Hope County a few months ago with the sheriff and deputy Pratt. The mask made me strong - and I wondered how strong I would be without it.

But as I fingered the clasp in the back a new resolution flow through me. I was the Dep. The liberator. A Cougar, Whitetail. Face of- no. Leader of The Resistance. A piece of metal didn't define my strength. _I'm not weak_.

The mask fell to the dirt. Its plummet unceremonious, almost sacrilegious. Fellow prisoners saw me drop this second self without so much as a sigh. I wished for more time, but the area was becoming sparse of guards which meant Jacob was on his way.

My head first, followed by my shoulders turned my skin 'n bones in such strange ways for so long I thought I would pass out. But I made it to my hips, which slid out with ease. Surprising? Not really. I glanced at the metal mask half buried behind me, if I hurried, they wouldn't recognize me. I could slip away.

I nodded to the fellow prisoner who had distracted the guard - at the cost of his next meal too. This place wouldn't be missed. I looked down at the cursed device. I wouldn't be controlled by it, ever again. My heel smashed the demonic music box to bits, and with a satisfied nod I turned to dart off.

Not a moment later I found myself smacking a wall, hard. I silently cursed to myself as I rubbed my nose, dizzly backing away. I didn't remember a wall anywhere near me. I looked up.

The hand on my nose went to cover my mouth's choked sound of fear. No. No, _no. _No no no. I needed out, _I need out now. This is it. He's going to kill me. I'm going to die._ _Please for the love of God no. _I took a fearful step back, my hand reaching for support behind me. It found none. My fatigued body lost itself, I fell back hard and fast. Stars popped in my vision as a broad frame lunge at me.

A flash of red and then black.

I woke with a start, sharply sucking in air. Those steel eyes haunted me. Ran rampant in my dreams - my terrors. My heart smashed against my chest as I took in the strange surroundings, trying to block his slow, taunting voice out. I lay in a large bed. _Oh no. Not a bed. I can't take that kind of torture_. _God I'm sorry, I'm sorry for killing those people. Please don't let this happen. Dear God no. _I caught myself starting to delve into a panic attack, quickly searching for something to anchor me to reality. _Focus Dep, just take in the room._

Nature. The room screamed outdoors. Earth-tones everywhere. It held a shelf covered by a dusty sheet, two large windows, and a dark hickory desk and chair that looked older than myself. The two doors to my right, and a stand to my left completed the simple room.

I swung my feet out of the burgundy comforter, dangling a few inches off the floor. Another reason I needed a mask, my near dwarfism. I measured just two inches above what was nationally considered handicapped, coming to be a whopping five foot one. Still, this bed stood taller than normal. My hand rested on its wooden post, smooth yet patterned. I'd never seen anything, especially a piece of furniture this large, so beautiful and - hand carved? _Woah._

I faced the window, away from the doors when my eyes landed on an apple with jerky and a jar of water. Like the ferocious animal I snatched the glass. I wouldn't let food like this slip through my fingers. The thought of it being drugged flitted through my mind, but there were other ways he could do that to me if he wanted. After all, he's done it three times now. If Jacob wanted me, he was going to get me.

As a small bit of jerky slid down my throat, however, I remembered my lack of costume. I wasn't wearing the "Deputy." What if they didn't know who I was? I pulled the jerky away, eyeing it skeptically. Back in my mouth it went. Drug shmug, I couldn't escape if my muscles were eating themselves.

As I chewed I bitterly thought of how condescending he had been, telling me my muscles eat themselves after a few days without food. _Yes, God, I know how starvation works. It also makes you stupid because your brain isn't getting the right nutrients and oils, it can't get them from burning fat and that's why dieting can be dangerous. Did you know that Wolfboy? Huh? Jerk._

Thinking like that about him made me feel better, helped me to ignore the fact that I was terrified of him. Blood run cold, teeth chatteringly, _terrified. _He had over a foot on me, probably about the same in the width difference too. But that's what made me, well me.

I couldn't have come this far if I what they expected. A Joe-blow with a 44 Magnum blazing in the front gates won't cut it for this place. My small frame made me agile, I could slip in and out unnoticed, disable alarms with ease. I escaped him because of it. _Well, nearly escaped. _

As I bit into the honeycrisp apple, and it's juices trickled down my wrist, I realized I had no clue where I was. I looked out the window. High up. One arm supported me in the sill as I looked around at trees. _Do I know this area?_ Glancing downwards, I realized I was familiar with this place, far better than I wanted to be.

The large stone wall, the rows of cages, countless cultists - I never left Jacob's compound. He just changed my quarters. I licked the juice off my bottom lip. Fear. I felt fear racing down my spine. I don't know why it came as such a shock, did I expect to be taken to some strange cabin? Why wouldn't he live in the same place that he kept his prisoners?

I turned away from the window, looking at what food I had left before getting sick. _Small steps Dep. It's how you've always done it. Don't overthink things._ _Half a small cloth bag of jerky, and a quarter of a pint of water. Not much_. The slight difference between hunching at the window and standing made me dizzy. _Fantastic. _I leaned on the bed and finished my apple. There was no way I could fight right now. _I need time to rest._

Too bad the world is a cruel place.

I heard movement outside. Hide. _I need a place to hide. _Fear made regression take over, l hid under the bed with my small stash like a naughty child. I needed a weapon. There wasn't squat. The door opened, my body pushed in the wall as far as possible. Boots thumped in a rushed sound around the room.

"Are you sure you he said to check here?" a male voice snapped, yet still in a whisper.

"Jacob was clear: search the entire compound for the deputy, he could be anywhere -"

"Yeah, yeah. I know what he said."

The continued bickering as they left the room without so much as pulling back the comforter. I was too caught up on a small detail to notice their carelessness. _He? Was I that flat chested? I guess that is the point_. I taped everything down tight; I didn't want them to know I was a woman. Darker things tend to happen off the bat when captured if you have a pair of knockers. I realize now how much I kept everyone in the dark. Was it really that simple to trick them into not knowing me at all?

My chest was free now. I hadn't noticed. I wore a pale white dress, clean, with no chest tape. Someone had to remove it. Violated. A mild panic took over, someone had seen it all. I hadn't shown anyone any of it. Tears pricked my eyes. _No, focus. There's an armed men around here. Small. Steps._

They slammed a door, yelling ensued by alarms blasted the area. Chaos, I hated it. But I needed to cause it no matter how unpredictable to take down Jacob. After all, The Soldier hated it more.

I don't know how long I laid under that firm mattress, but it was long enough to get hungry again even after finishing my apple. The body was an amazing thing. After five days with no food, it could shut off hunger and work on itself for the rest of the month. But like a switch you can turn it all back in one meal.

Sipping water and suckling on jerky, I heard steps that slowed my chew. I swallowed and listened closer. These weren't the rushed, haywire steps my morning made me accustomed to. These were slow, heavy and calculating. Cumbersome wasn't the word for them. Domineering fit.

And they were getting closer.

I tucked the meat bag on my waist, securely tying it to loose lace. I downed the rest of my water, ready to use the jar as a weapon. My chest hummed at the speed my heart jumped to. _Crap. _My breathing nearly silent, mirroring that of a mouse. The door opened.

A pair of tan army boots came into view. They thudded under the weight they carried. I watched them pace to my side of the bed. Those boots. This wasn't the first time I had seen him from this angle. Jacob Seed's boots. _He's going to sit right above on the bed!_ I needed to unball myself. Noiselessly, I flipped to my stomach, flattening my body. The smell of wood floor flooded my nostrils.

The bed never creaked with his weight. There were a few moments in which I laid and forgot to breath. The room seemed to drop ten degrees as goosebumps ran up and down my arms. My hair stood on end with the silents chills.

That's when I felt two large calloused hands cuff my ankles and pull. In a panic, I clawed the bed. I felt my weakened nails bend back against the mattress when my fingers curled around the rope frame. I gripped as hard as I could, but that steadily strengthening tug was quickly becoming too much.

I was angry. Angry because I was weak. Because that demon made me weak. My elbows and shoulders felt like they were going to dislocate. The anguish came out in a bubbling cry. My fingers scraped the rough ropes as pain won over self preservation and chose my arms over whatever waited for me out of my den. I clawed the wood floor, brushing the glass jar as I slid on my stomach. I tried to flip, to fight, but he had a vice grip on my ankles. I turned my torso enough to look up.

Jacob Seed's steel grey eyes momentarily stilled my struggle. They seemed to pierce through my soul, pick through and know my brain. Biting the cigar in his mouth, he pulled me farther, wrapping my knees under his shoulder the same direction as my torso. As he reached for my wrists his broad, army jacketed chest filled my vision.

I was stunned. Utterly stunned. I barely registered being lifted in the air, coming back to earth as I was laid on the mattress. I knew I appeared comical, my face resembling that of a trout.

_My face_.

My face was open, exposed. He could read my every emotion. A book in bold print. His hands were on me. He vile, despicable, _murderous hands. _I needed him off. _I need him away now._

I jerked my legs, the action unexpected and thus effective. Using my free leg on his solar plexus, I earned a grunt while the other made an escape. With both legs free, I thrashed my body weight to release my arms.

Or at least, I should've been able to.

The moment I felt my wrists start to slip out my ankles were recaptured - this time in one insanely strong and angry grip. I thrusted my hips up in a desperate attempt, continuously trying to writhe out of his grasp. With one final twist, one leg was once again free.

A growl came from somewhere deep in the man before me. His hand stretched to hold both legs, freedom snatched away as my ankles lay in a predicament similar to my wrists. His biceps strained - clamping harder on both sets of limbs. I wasn't weak. No. But I was bloody terrified. A whimpered whine of pain and fear slipped out. I bit my lip and shut my eyes - focusing on anything but what was around me. Ignoring the giant physically holding me captive.

_Focus Dep. You've gotten yourself out of worse than this. It's just one man. Easy. Calm yourself, breathe, wait for the opening._

Relaxing, patience filled me. I could do this. I wasn't the only one taking a breather, letting myself sense only touch and sound. Jacob leaned over me, and seeing this as a sign of victory, released my arms and legs. I felt the heat of his hand hover over my forehead, pressing gruff and fast. Then he vanished.

Lashes faintly brushed eyebrows as I let my vision flutter back. _Was he… checking for a fever? Weird_. I glanced over, his back to me. His usual army jacket now draped to rest on a desk chair, the cigar being lit with his Zippo. His hand instinctively shielded the action from the wind. I didn't realize how close I watched until he looked back into my own eyes. I felt a blush creep up my neck, but I didn't look away. That's what he wanted: a submissive soldier. _Don't submit._

The cigar was lit, the lighter snapped shut. My peripheral saw it fall in his jean pocket. That's mine. I knew if I would get one trophy from this that would be it. Hands pressed into the mattress, pushing me up with new determination. That lighter was my goal. My goal beyond escape. _Escaping one man is easy, it needs flare. After all, I've done it before_. _Jacob won't be any harder to escape._

All this and his steel eyes had yet to leave mine.

It kept creeping. Up my neck and my cheeks, the pink spread like a plague. Natural, not weak. I had never made eye contact with, well anyone for this long before. Blushing was a natural heat.

"Sir?" a meek male voice, followed by approaching rushed footsteps. They sounded vaguely familiar, but Jacob had made no move to do anything about them. _Is he going to answer? _The door swung open, air gushing into the room. A mouth-watering smell wafted throughout the earth toned room. Breaking eye contact revealed a dirty, haggard version of the coworker I once thought of as a friend. Pratt glanced at me for a moment, his brow furrowed, but he continued on. _Did he not recognize me? Am I that shut off? I guess it's been awhile since I've been without my mask… he's also never seen me without my glasses._

"Peaches." I glanced back at the omniscient voice - nearly choking when I realized he had yet to stop staring.

"Yes sir? Sorry sir. I didn't know I was interrupting sir."

My eyes followed Pratt's nervous form. Watched him place the food skittishly, fix it once it nearly teetered off the desk and dart out of the room. All the while, I could feel Jacob still boring into my skull. I found anything but him interesting. I glanced at the walls, watched out the window. Even his own hands were quite fascinating. Anything but those soul piercing eyes.

I heard and smelt the puff of his cigar - normally it would make me nauseous but for some reason, here, it fit. It fit his lone wolf demeanor. Brown matched the burgundy T, army green, and tan. _More earth-tones._

I was so exhausted. Couldn't sleep with the monster around. _Ah shoot. _My stomach rumbled.

"You know, Little Rook," he started, taking one last drag before putting the cigar out in the ashtray on his desk. "Everyone thinks you've escaped. That you're somewhere killing cultists, destroying properties in the woods. But, I know you're - not. Even Peaches - what is his name - Pratt. Even he doesn't recognize you. You put yourself directly in my control this afternoon when you decided to set off every alarm on the compound." He paused, slowly stalking up to the edge of the bed and leaning close enough I could smell his smokey breath and outdoor musk. "Joseph can't protect you anymore."

_That's deputy to you_. Before he could even react I slammed my forehead into the bridge of his nose. He stumbled back, I scrambled across the bed to the door. Ripping the door knob let the panic set in.

It was locked.

_No. No no no! _

I turned around, my back flat to it like a cornered animal. My breaths quickened - he was absolutely livid. He stopped pinching his nose, spitting blood on the floor beside him. It would take him only three, maybe as little as two strides to get me.

His bleeding nostrils flared as he stared me down, a moment before he pounced. I dove across the bed, adrenaline giving my weak body one last push as I aimed out the window. With a lunge, it pressed up and open. Three, four stories high. It did matter. I had to escape the rabid animal in the room. I jumped, thrusting my legs into the open evening air.

A thick, scarred arm had snaked its way around my waist. My feet barely tasted freedom before being ripped back. His rough hand clamped over my mouth, muffling my scream. He held my flesh captive in his grip. My lips gently brushed his palm before I did something insane. I bit. As hard as I could. His arm gripped me tighter, hand smashed my face harder. Teeth ground I tasted the metallic of his blood. It felt as if my jaw would be snapped, right at the chin. His large hand adjusted, his fingers now also pinching my nose. I snarled against him - thrashing my body got the momentum to smash his shin with my heel. My head started pounding at the lack of oxygen. A racing heart. I tried to butt back, but his biting grip was too strong. I kicked and kicked. If I wasn't so malnourished I would've stood a chance, but this. I couldn't fight this. _He's going to kill me. _

With one last thrust, my heel made contact with something I never thought in a million years I would touch. He groaned in my ear, his grip slacking as he fell back. His crown jewels. His babies. They took a hit. I spun around, putting everything I could into punching his throat. As he fell further, my tiny hand darted into his pocket and grabbed his lighter. I sprinted to the old dusty cover I spotted before. My hands shook with adrenaline, taking three swipes to ignite the lighter. I set fire to the cover, watching flames lick the fabric. Devour it. I grinned like a madman, he had to let us out. Or we would both go down.

His enormous hand covered my chest. I was shoved back, fear shot through my spine. He towered over me, glowering at me. For a moment I thought he was about to punch me across the room. Then he did something seemingly psychotic. He ripped the cover off, fire and all, and threw it out the window.

For a moment, he stood at the window, letting silence permeate the room only broken by the faint echoes of chaos below.

He was gritting his teeth. His back tensed, each muscle outlined in his rage. Fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He turned, ire entirely directed at me. I tried to back away, but there wasn't anywhere to run. No weapons. No friends. No one could help me.

I refused to close my eyes, still waiting for him to physically finally beat me. For him to pull out that stupid music box and mentally control me. Waiting. Waiting for the inevitable. Waiting for the next time to strike.

I sucked in a breath as he turned, starting to rush me. I thought I would keep my eyes open but I couldn't crushing them shut. The inevitable blow was getting closer, pressing me into the corner. Each second was torture - rage screaming through the moments of silence. I'd never been beaten unconscious before and in this current physical state the chances of me waking up were slimmer than me. _Fight Dep. Fight. At least open your damn eyes!_

The door slammed. I looked up, lips slightly parted. _He - he left? Ha! _Jacob had vacated the area. I never thought I stood a chance, but there I was. Still standing. Pride glowed up inside me. I was strong. Nobody bests Jacob Seed in a fight - well, not best per se, but walks away from. I would've fist pumped the air if my entire body didn't ache. _Seriously, I need that adrenaline back_. I gripped the desk chair next to me, one hand gently massaging my jaw. A hiss snuck through my gritted teeth. This was going to bruise.

The same hand moved up to massage my temples, my face towards the ceiling. This was all going to ache. My poor frail, malnourished body. It was almost comical. It was the closest I had come to beating the lone wolf yet I was at my weakest. I was groaning in pain when the door opened again. My neck popped in a strange way as I jerked towards the door. I let out an irritated huff as Jacob carried a matching hickory chair to the desk, the blood no longer caked under his nose. He glared down at me as he ripped the desk away from the wall, smashing against my supportive chair. Resisting the urge to fall back, I closed my eyes. _Show no weakness. Don't sway. You're fine. Don't pass out._

His chair clattered and he practically slammed down into it. He was staring nearly eye to eye with me from his seat. My heart beat rapidly. With my one hand firmly at my side, the other having a death grip on the chair, I put on a stern face, refusing to break eye contact with the over six feet of evil sitting less than a meter away. I pulled my chair, my hand going to the desk for support as I lowered myself into my own seat. My hands shook as I went for my water, another small mason jar. I gripped it and knew as soon as I lifted it he would see I was scared.

He couldn't know I was scared. Being scared isn't weak, fish dart away from people, bears run from guns - even wolves avoid fire. But they don't show their fear in a fight. It's shown when they escape. Showing fear is detrimental in the wild; unless altruistic, it inevitably leads to one's end.

I chose a different tactic. Releasing the jar I gripped the silverware to jab my meat. Once again, eye contact was broken by me. Not a second later I was slicing into the slab of steak in front of me. I tried to ignore his arms folded on the table as he analyzed at me. _Just ignore him, you need strength. He apparently isn't going to starve you. For now._

The juices slid pleasantly down my throat. I didn't throw the apple, I could probably keep this down too. It was so rich. I couldn't help the hum of satisfaction as I swallowed. I was so hungry, grabbing it with both hands didn't quite seem beyond me. I resisted. Focusing on my meal gave me enough strength to calmly grab water. I slightly tilted my head back as I sipped the cool, clear substance. All the while, Jacob Seed just watched. I continued munching away, already more than half finished.

_I need to know how he opens that door. A key? I never saw one. _

"Little Rook, what's happening outside here right now?"

I set my water down before slowly raising my eyes to meet his. I was always looking up at him, damn my height. Jaw set, I matched his stare. Mirroring his whole stance, I still refused to talk to him. I hadn't said a word to anyone, he wasn't going to be the first I talked to. Amused at my silence, he smirked.

"North Korea has declared war on the U.S. Do you know what this means?" More silence. "It means, Little Rook, all your rebel friends, will die. It means when the bombs come, those in Eden's Gate won't let them in. Do you realize, with your stupidity you call heroism, with your ideas of freedom and glory, you have doomed them all? Before you, Joseph was peaking. You made them violent. Before you, the people were slowly beginning to accept. Not the religion, but the circumstances. Beginning to understand the reality of the world. We were so close to the end, and you scared them all away from it. You. You will have killed them all, and when the bombs go off, you'll know that. The religion was needed as control. It was a government. I was on my way to eliminating Bliss as a whole, now, you've started us from square one. You have caused bloodshed beyond what I thought possible for one person, but you, Little Rook, are strong and misguided. A detrimental combination. You sealed the fate of hundreds of thousands."

I opened my mouth, and shut it again. _Has North Korea really declared war? No. He's a manipulator and a liar. There's no way. His goal is to make me weak, to doubt myself, but I won't. I'm doing the right thing. _

I stood. I refused to take this. It was a dumb decision. Dizziness called the steak to make a reappearance. My hands shot to my mouth. Seeing the situation, Jacob stood as well, striding around the desk and placing a hand on my upper back. Too focused on keeping it down, I let him guide us, turning towards the door Pratt hadn't entered through. A closet. It was too humiliating to look at him. After taking two steps, a bucket was pushed towards my chest. The hand moved from my back to my hair. Humiliating. Half inside the bucked, I watched a beautiful food being wasted. Tears stung, but didn't fall. Huffing out my nose, I looked up. Jacob was proffering his water, my own in the bucket.

"Rinse. Spit." I weakly snatched it. I didn't want to but I had to, to stay alive. I couldn't fight anymore. _Are there really people stronger than this? Do I need to keep fighting right now? I can't. I can't fight this malnourished and sick. _I obeyed him. Feeling better once it was out of my mouth, I took a sip. The water cooled the burn. Once he saw me drinking, Jacob left the room with the bucket. He returned with clothing in one hand, the other held a rag. After throwing the clothes over his shoulder, he took the jar and wetted the rag. Handing it to me, he grabbed the clothes as I cleaned my mouth and nose and stated:

"Faith only left one set of clothes and nothing to sleep in." His arm extended, giving me a large grey tee and over-sized black sweatpants. I took them, looking up into his steel eyes. "Follow me."

He strode out the door, my feet taking a moment before catching up. _God, I'm so tired. _He was waiting for me outside, I had the clothes clutched to my chest. Standing right in front of me, he looked down.

"Don't be stupid." He turned, opening a second door. It was as if his entire demeanor changed. The dynamic between us shifted, his tone gentler. I knew he meant not to try and escape, and for some strange reason I didn't feel like now was the time. He didn't give off the same vibes as his brother John. _I mean I hope he isn't a closet rapist. _

It was a small living room with a few shelves containing mainly classics, and a few oddities. There was a fireplace straight across and left of the other exit, a large chair with a small circular table, and a wolf skin rug. Never any lamps. He turned left, between the hickory shelves was a door. Placing his hand on the handle, he turned to me. "These rooms are open to you. For now, anything else is off limits. This is the only door you can open and close freely. Other than this, if it's closed, leave it closed. If it's open, leave it open."

I nodded. I would play his game. For now. He turned the knob, opening the door. Unmoving, his body lined the entrance. My shoulder brushed his broad chest as I walked into the bathroom. _Is he so defined I can feel it with a faint touch?_

"If you need anything, I'll be out here." I nodded again. He shut the door softly behind me. _I look awful. Normally, I would put up a fight, but I'm just so tired._ I sat the clothes on the sink counter, trying to accept my self-comfort and ignore how sunken my eyes were. The drawer revealed a wooden brush. It didn't look used. I brushed my hair smooth and shed the white dress. Again, everything was designed simply, but this time there was a modernism mixed with nature. The shower was glass, it's floor a dark tile, and placed in the corner back right of the door. The sink was a stone bowl on a maple table and base to the left of the door. The floor was maple wood stained black. A wall separated the loo in the back left corner. The maple framed mirror hung over the sink. Lastly, there was a second door on the wall to the left of the first.

Stepping into the shower I turned the knob, letting out a satisfied moan at the water on my aching muscles. Steam clouded the glass, losing me in it's fog. I hummed to myself as I lathered the ivory. Glancing down I noticed a small shower caddy holding a crisp new razor, two jars labeled shampoo and conditioner in an elegant cursive, and a third, taller jar that read shaving cream in the same writing.

Honeysuckles. It was overwhelmingly delicious. I soaked the smell in my hair, letting the conditioner set as I lathered myself. Lavender. It was amazing stuff. If it wasn't for the location, I would feel like a princess. _How long has it been since I took a proper shower? A real, soaker?_ I felt the suds run out of my hair and over chest, finally caressing my legs before disappearing into the drain. I couldn't help but quietly hum to myself as my muscles relaxed.

Cracking open the single blade razor was fine. Using it was another story.

I did not feel like a princess. Cursing again, I made my final slice, knicking off yet more skin with the last hair. I rinsed the blasted metal off, angrily throwing it into the caddy. _Take that you metal demon. Oh shoot, broke it._

Huffing, I rinsed. A few meditative minutes passed, and I turned the knob to cool off a touch before finally exiting. _Crap. Crap crap crap. Where are the towels?_

I spun towards the maple cabinet, yelping in surprise as I splintered my foot and lost my balance. My body smacked the ground and I groaned. I swayed a touch as I lifted my hand to inspect the damage. Before I could access, the door swung open. I scrambled into a ball as steel concerned eyes landed on me. I met his gaze before realizing he was raking me up and down. He was tensed, grey eyes going dark. His jaw was set, his teeth gritted. A shiver went up my spine at the animalistic change.

He didn't move, his biceps just tightening with each second. Almost black, his eyes didn't budge. His nostrils flared, nearly making me jump. Gripping the knob until his knuckles were white, his demeanor got darker by the second. _This position isn't safe. This isn't safe at all._

_Fuck I need to distract him. If I move it'll make it worse! I don't know what to- damn. I really didn't want this to be my first time speaking in Hope county but I also don't want this to be my first rape in Hope County either._

"J- Jacob?" My voice croaked from unuse. "C-can I have a towel?"

He stared at me, exposed and vulnerable. I swallowed. It took a moment for him to finally clear his throat. His arms went slack, but he couldn't hide the darkness in his eyes. The over six foot soldier walked beside me, my face resembling his fiery red hair as he rummaged the cabinet. I felt the heat radiate from our close proximity. A grey towel was shoved into my chest, calloused fingers faintly brushing my bareness.

"Out," He growled, I frowned in hesitation before he roared: "OUT!"

The yell made me jump. I scrambled to my feet in such a rush I fell all over again, towel and all. The second time was a success. I wrapped myself and snatched the clothes from the counter. Sprinting out of the room almost wasn't fast enough, as the door nearly caught my heels with a slam. _That was way too close, I was far too vulnerable. _

A shattering sound made me jump again. I dashed into the bedroom, grasping the towel to my body. Panting, I sat toweled on the bed. _Naked. He saw me naked. _

I breathed deep. I didn't mean to speak to him but I didn't know what else to do. He looked almost murderous; I had to do something. I mulled over the situation, digging out the splinter like it was gold.

The shower was on full blast, but I still didn't feel comfortable changing with the door wide open. I cracked it, shedding the towel and putting on the big tee as fast and far from the windows as possible. After slipping on the sweats, I went to work rolling them, trying to ignore the situation all together and bury the regret of Jacob Seed being the first person in all of Hope County I talked to.

I scavenged the desk for a safety pin, string, anything to keep the damn sweats up. Each drawer crushed more hope. The top right finally had what I needed! A small box of extra large safety pins. Snatching them, I fastened the sweats to a tighter setting. Then I sat on the floor to work on the length.

"Little Rook!" I jumped, spilling the small box beside me. Rushing to swipe them up I heard a door slam. Too enveloped in finding the pins I never heard the shower stop.

The door swung open to reveal a livid Jacob Seed. Water still dripped off his red fade, trickling down his bare chest. One drop went from the shoulder, down. Up and over the rough scars, delving into each dip between his abs, and disappearing at the end of taunt v-line and start of black sweats.

I swallowed and nervously looked up into his eyes. Sitting on the floor with a pile of safety pins and half rolled sweats. _Damn. _I tried to mask it, quickly shutting my mouth and meeting his gaze. His anger seemed to melt away, replaced with utter cockiness.

"Want a picture? It'll last longer."

_"I would hope not_."

My face went crimson at my own thought. _Okay, it's normal to think that. He's clearly an attractive male, and you're a young woman…_ Eyes wide, I went back to fidgeting with my pants. But I could hear the blood pounding in my ears as I realized something. I didn't think it. I said it. Out loud. Jacob raised an eyebrow and folded his arms, looking down at me. I felt small. Mini. Nanoscopic.

_Mmm, the sweats sure are interesting. Cool. Safety pins are awesome. They're all fixed now. _

"Little Rook."

My eyes darted around the room as I swallowed again. _Did his voice always sound that husky? Damnit! What is wrong with me? Wow, there's a ton of detail in that wood work. I should definitely -_

"Little Rook." It was more coaxing than before, deep and slightly scratched. My eyes flitted to his amusement filled grey ones. "Something is missing. Where is it?"

My brow furrowed. _Missing? What was missing? Oh. _I stood, approaching the door like a timid doe. He hadn't budged. I looked around him, but the only way through would require him moving or me hunching. Taking the same stance, I glowered at his stubbornness. Always bringing out the best in me.

"Words."

_No thanks, dickhead._

I darted under his arms, and continued a speedy pace to my goal. My feet padded against wood floor, their stealth lost in the rush. His arm snaked silently around me once again, I jumped at the sudden contact. He pressed me against himself and I could feel the heat of his bare chest on my back. One ripped arm encircle my waist, the other crossed my chest from shoulder to shoulder.

"Little Rook, did I say you could walk away from me?" I thrashed, trying to get out. He gripped me tighter before growling in my ear. "Don't worry, I'll take you a bit more seriously than earlier. I didn't know you were one for cheap shots."

A shiver went down my spine, goosebumps formed at the sound of his husky voice in my ear. "Where's the razor sweet cheeks?"

Everything was so clouded. His grip was firm, yet there wasn't any pain. The shivers I got from his arm being over my chest were delicious. I stopped attempting escape when I realized a towel was all that lie between him and the air around us. I stilled in his hold, trying to think. Between the heat from his back, the bulk of his arms and the purr of his voice, everything took a minute. _Razor? Oh. That. Damnit. You're the Deputy. Get it together. _

"In, the uh, bathroom," he gripped me tighter at my response. I rushed another answer, begging to be let go. "I broke it I'm so sorry."

"Where. Is. It?" He enunciated each syllable, gently squeezing my bicep in his large hands with every word.

"Trash," I squeaked. Jacob didn't need to know this was the closest I'd been to a man in a decade. Or that he was just as defined as the movies - actually, probably more.

"Now, would you mind telling me why you broke a brand new razor?"

"It wasn't on purpose!" I rushed the sentences as fast as I could, wishing he would just let me go. I was battling myself, whether to fight or lean into his chiseled, herculean abs. _I can't take this much longer. _"It kept knicking me! And I got mad and threw it, I didn't know it would break! I swear!"

"Mmm," the baritone sound vibrated my chest. Finally, I was released. I straightened the large tee, feeling flush. I turned to him, almost looking up with a grin. _Watch yourself Deputy. Have you forgotten who he is? He's a murderer. He starved you. Had you shot. Caged. Get. A. Grip._

I stared at the floor. My inner voice wouldn't shut it. But I knew it was right, every word. He wasn't to be trusted. He had Pratt enslaved! For Christ's sake, how much more did I need?

It was all confusing. He had been so cruel, then stern, and now he was nearly joking with me. _It happened too fast - oh God. Stockholm Syndrome. _

"Little Rook." I glanced up, _no more verbal_. "I have work to do. Go lie down."

He turned towards the bathroom, nodding towards the bed. Strength. Sleep for strength. My head was amuck, sleep would be good. As I slid under the burgundy comforter, I battled. _Escape? Am I falling into a trap if I don't? Won't I die if I do? Shouldn't I try to leave now? The dead of night. Most guards are asleep or nodding off. It would be easy. _

_Or would it? What if he's been going easy this whole time? He gets you. Anytime he says. Remember when you hid in the mountains? That cold cave. No huntress Jess or grizzly Cheeseburger. Just emptiness. Not even a fire. He still found you, shot you with a bliss arrow, and locked you in a cage. Either way, right now, you're screwed. _

Fighting like this distracted me from the fact that Eden's Gate killed a civilian a minute. Fighting like this made me forget I was completely in his control. Fighting like this was how I fell asleep.

Once again, I was here. Laying on my back, looking at my personal jail. I slammed the dirt floor on both sides, looking into the rafters. How long had I dreamt of escaping here? How long had I screamed for help? How long had his been the only face I saw?

I let out a feral scream. Hope County? Could my mind have constructed a more ironic name? Hope county. A dream. I would never escape here.

A familiar ticking came to. My rat, Chester. There wasn't much to eat down here, but he stayed. It was sad. In this strange man's cellar, I was a pet, an animal. While Chester the rat had his life in front of him and chose to stay here. Strange indeed.

I closed my eyes, rubbing them from my position. _In the middle of the floor is where he left me? Couldn't have drug me to the moldy mattress in the corner?_ Chuckling in disgust, I looked up. _Huh. That wasn't there before. _

On the ceiling sat a wolf spider. It was mesmerizing. A beautifully strange design covered her back. She seemed to be covered in life. I closed my eyes again. Two more appeared. The mother seemed to be reaching for me. My heart began to pick up. I forgot I hated spiders.

I closed my eyes again. Holding them shut and praying they would all go away. I opened them, letting out a silent screech. The ceiling. The ceiling was covered. Hundreds - no thousands of arachnids coated the rafters. The mother, she was the mother for a reason. Babies fell off her back. I felt them start to cover my face. More eight legged, brown, hairy skeletons burst through the wall.

"N-no. Off. Get off. Get them off me! Get them off me!" I thrashed, hundred of thousands of legs touched every square inch of my body. They were everywhere. In my hair, my hands. They started crawling in my mouth and I let out a choked scream.

I felt my shoulders shake. Hard. Sucking in one shocked breath I shot up. My face was wet. _Was I crying? _I was. Two more drops rolled down my face. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Damn those nightmares. I just needed a good Cheeseburger snuggle, a smile from Jess. I missed those long nights we spent camped in the woods. Our mountain hikes - they calmed me.

Large rough hands left my shoulders, sending a shiver all through me. I curled my arms to replace the hands. My mind was slow in catching up, I groggily tried to block out the night terror but something kept coming back. Yelling.

_"Wake up, Little Rook." He turned over to me. "Deputy you need to calm down. It's just a dream - wake up!" He sounded panicked..? _He stopped, gripping my shoulders with his large hands and giving the firm shake that woke me. Normally those terrors would go on for a few minutes. My mask had a cover slid into it every night, it kept Jess and Cheeseburger from hearing me scream. _I don't have my mask anymore._

Jacob had went into the closet. He was bent over, carefully rummaging through a box. Object in hand, he stood, turning off the closet light. A bottle of whiskey and two glasses. The door clicked behind him. Sagging under his weight, the mattress creaked as he scooted back up. Curiosity got the better of me and I took the cup. He popped the lid as I held the cool glass in my fingers. Amber replaced clear. Alcohol filled the room. My glass shook. _Damn my nerves. _

"Drink." I obeyed, not because he wanted it, but because I needed to forget, and I knew this was a quick way to that. Those terrors, they were distorted memories. Memories I hoped to long forget. I nearly choked as it burned down my throat - I had heard whiskey was bad, this was way worse. Though the nice warm feeling made it worth it. _Should I tell him I've never drank before?_

_Nah._

"Who was touching you?"

"Spiders." He grinned at my quick answer.

"Mmm," he grumbled, lighting a cigar. "Do you mind?"

"No," my face went red as I worked up the courage. "Um, were you um, in here already?"

I didn't want to phrase it obviously since I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. Was he sleeping here with me?

"Of course," he started, taking a drag. "Where else would I go? It is my room."

My eyes went wide and I swallowed. An executive decision was made before tipping the glass to empty into my gullet. The burn made my eyes close. _His room? Why?_

As if reading my face, he smirked. "Can't have you running around unattended, can I, Deputy?"

There was a teasing lilt on his last word. He polished his own cup off, before refilling and nodding to me. I nodded back, it was nice feeling this warm. _Mhm, fill 'er up. _

"Besides," he sobered up. "I couldn't very well hide you in another room. Better off hidden in plain sight."

"Mmm, yea. You're smart you know…" more burning, another glass. _Alcohol was indeed intoxicating. What would this kind be called? A high-proof or something?_ "Um… I've been meaning to ask, why haven't you used your box to make me kill Eli? Did I really break the only one? And um… why have you been so nice?"

He stared at me, lips ever so slightly open. _I could squish his cheeks so easy. Ha, he looks like a fish. Woops am I giggling?_

Closing his lips he huffed, stating before polishing off his third cup: "Because, Little Rook, I'm a traditionalist."

"Huh?" He chuckled at my incredulous face.

"You're a young girl," the Soldier started. "You need someone to protect you. Joseph probably knew it already, it's why he wouldn't just kill you. In my time in the military, men were protectors. Women weren't allowed on the front lines. They could assist, but not risk themselves the way we did."

"I've always been a protector," he continued, taking a quick puff. "You, you're so small. Seeing you without that metal - someone had to be looking out for you. Who was taking me down to get you? No one. And your fight, my God. So tiny, so malnourished you could squeeze between those metal bars - and you still had the strength to do it. I've never seen a woman fight like you. Hell," he smirked. "I've never seen a man fight like you. Only you could've came so close to escaping me. Only you could impress me like that."

Staring at the burgundy, I couldn't decide whether to be incredibly offended or flattered. Now I was the fish, my mouth opening and shutting. _Huh. That was… unexpected to say the least. _The glass sat, cooling my lips as I contemplated.

"Why Little Rook?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

I raised an eyebrow, receiving that same slightly mischievous smirk.

"Not only are you 'The Rook,' but you were just a pawn in a long game of chess. However, like a little rook, you shot across the board, putting me in check. Far more powerful than your size gives you credit for."

That made me smile. A warm glow seeped from my face. The silence wasn't awkward, just warm. _I really like this stuff. I wonder…_

"Do you drink all the time?"

Slightly drunken his smirk matched mine. Those steel eyes bore into my own. His rough arms supported him close enough to brush my own. _Mmmhmm._

"Well, Deputy. I did. And then this little sinner caught my attention. It wasn't too much of a bother. But again and again she tried and tried to push my buttons. I started to put more time into figuring her out. Low and behold, she even tried to get onto my compound. But I was able to snatch, something I couldn't have done with alcohol coursing through my veins."

I smiled to myself. Even though it wasn't good for some strange feeling I liked being special. He drank when other rebels attacked, but not me. I was too dangerous. Needed too much focus. We continued with small talk. Eventually he started to mention war stories, all fun times, and I blubbered responses. After awhile, he stopped, looking me dead in the eye. The intensity of his stare made my heart still with anticipation. I knew if I didn't break the silence, this would go farther than I wanted.

"You know, I haven't ever drank myself," I slurred.

That same eyebrow cocked at me, his spell broken. "All the more reason it's time for sleep."

"Mmm, no. I want to hear more."

"I'm warning you."

"I'm not tired!"

"Little Rook. Go to bed before I make you _so_ tired and sore you'll wish you'd never laid eyes on me."

I giggled, before pausing, shocked. _Oh my… well… that could be fun._ I smiled and vigorously shook my head no. I knew he was teasing but still… the animal in me saw that the definition of masculinity sat before me.

"You gotta sleep to," I said, pressing his firm chest down. His muscles were tense and hot, warming my palm. He sighed, reaching over and placing his glass next to the bottle on the floor. I held my finger in a pausing motion as I finished my own before handing it to him.

"You shoot whiskey like you fight," I giggled again like a schoolgirl. Alcohol had silenced my subconscious and let me listen and admire. "Deceivingly and dirty."

"Dirty?"

"You'll understand when you're older." I sighed in defeat, finally, laying to rest. But the pillow just wasn't cutting it. I needed something more. Something warm. Something alive. _Mmm, liquid courage._

"Hey, move your arm higher."

"What in the hell are you -"

Before he could finish I found myself snuggled securely on his chest. The nagging voice warned me this was dangerous, Stockholm Syndrome. But I didn't care. Whiskey was much stronger, and lonely. So for now, this was mine to take.

I giggled one last time as his tense chest finally relaxed, drifting off into a night of strangely pleasant dreams.

The sun was far too bright. The bed was too hard, and hot? _Oh no. I thought that was a dream._

"Little Rook," he grumbled eyes still closed. "Try not to make it so obvious when you wake up. It'll get you killed someday."

I went mute. Slowly I pushed away, sitting on the bed facing the window and away from my captor. _My captor. What the hell are you doing? You idiot girl. _

Eyes squinted, the sunrise didn't look purple as it did when I usually rose. Dawn had broke long ago. My stomach tingled - with alcohol or disgust it wasn't known. I was dirty. I lied with a dirty, dirty man. A murderer.

_You're no better. _

_No, I am. I just defend the weak._

_You're wrong. You like it. You like to kill people. You like the power you feel when the life leaves their eyes due to you. And now, you've slept next to the enemy. You're just as dirty as he is._

That was all it took. I jumped up, racing for the bathroom. Jacob's eyes followed me as I darted out of the room. Practically diving to the toilet, I gripped the bowl, emptying what little I had left in my aching stomach. When had I last kept a meal down? When had I last ate?

I sat up, focusing on the ceiling as it drained. Taking a deep breath through my nose, I began preparing to stand. One leg in a kneel, I finished getting up. My hands held the counter on both sides of the sink, again dropping my head with dizziness. Once stable, I turned the tap, rinsing my mouth.

I washed my face, wishing for a toothbrush. My mouth felt disgusting. As if reading my mind, the wolf behind me slid the drawer and plucked a wooden black bristled toothbrush. Wordlessly, I took it and went to work.

As if understanding me, he didn't press. Breakfast was brought and ate in silence, then he left without as much as a goodbye. However, not before setting the same snack on my - _no, the_ \- bedside table. I assumed it was lunch when the sun indicated it was long past two and he hadn't returned. Munching on it, I continued reading Joseph's book, trying to better understand my enemy.

I resisted the urge to throw it on the ground yet again. Starting to hear his story, his suffering, it made me angry. _I shouldn't sympathise with this man, he is a killer! _I had thrown it across the room, watching it smack the oak wall next to the fireplace and fall to the ground flipping shut. The dark leather binding of "The Book of Joseph" seemed to mock me as I sat. I didn't want to hear that he had been abused. I didn't like the inklings of pity I began to feel towards him and his brothers. And I loathed the feeling of respect that I began to have for the oldest, Jacob. Squashing down my curiosity, I ignored how much I wanted to know why Jacob could protect his brothers yet proceed to claim he culled herd and killed the weak as a duty.

I assumed dinner would be another noiseless affair, but Jacob didn't come home. My stomach gnawed on itself. _If it's only for hunger it's okay. _But I was lying. It wasn't for hunger. Judging by darkness I guessed it to be well past ten. I refused to stay up for him. I wouldn't sleep with him again. Taking the large towel and pillow I used yesterday, I curled up, snuggling into the wolf skin rug. Clutching the fur, I fell into a light sleep.

_It must've been deeper than I thought. _I sat up, rubbing my eyes. The thick comforter was all around me. I was alone on the mattress. I had no recollection of getting up from the floor and moving into the bedroom, or of being disturbed when it happened. Cool morning air chilled my toes as I swung my feet out from under the warm security of the comforter. Slowly getting out of bed, I tiptoed out the doors to see if I was alone.

I wasn't.

Snoring softly, Jacob occupied the centered chair. He was using my makeshift blanket, but his face looked stressed. Embers died in front of him. No peace. Nothing about him said comfort or peace. Pain. Penance. But no peace.

For a moment - a sliver of a second - I thought of what I would do if I were in his shoes. If I had had the upbringing he had. If I had the sibling he had. If I had the opportunities, the strength, the intelligence that he had. If I did truly know the world to be ending, would I cull the herd? Bunkers aren't infinite. All resources are finite, stored or not.

Would there be a point? How long would it take for the radiated land to become livable once again? Surviving the initial bombing would seem like child's play. Of course he sees it as a duty to the human race to cull the herd. Of course he sees it as a responsibility to humanity to make sure at least the strong survive. But that didn't justify murdering so many. There were bunkers littered throughout Hope county, each with at least ten years stores of food for the families that would enter them. Those families deserved to have a fighting chance. Why did Jacob take that chance away from them? Why didn't he just let them try?

The answer came to me far too quick. We needed the strong to survive if we were to survive at all. One can't just recruit the strong. Everyone comes with their own family, life, and responsibilities. But you can force them. If you have to, you can force anyone's hand. Brainwash. And finally, control.

Shaking my head, I retired back into the bedroom. I needed - something. What I didn't know. Companionship? A good meal? It had been barely twenty-four hours with this improved treatment, and I was already dreading going back to the high adrenaline, heart attack giving, panic inducing lifestyle I had lead for the past few months in my journey of liberating Hope county. Was Jacob right? Had I ever been free? Or have I been enslaved by my own morals this entire time?

His gruff, deep voice echoed throughout my head. _Did you think you were free? _It sent a small shiver down my spine. Knowing he was less than twenty meters from me, knowing I could grab that broken razor, and spill his life from him, gave me chills. For the first time in a long time, I felt powerful inside the Whitetail Mountains. I felt somewhat in control. There were no hunters giving him protection here. There were no music boxes open to send me into that mindless rage. I could liberate this entire sector from that demon in mere seconds.

But something held me back.

_You can't let anything hold you back. He's a murderer, a freak, a dictator. _

_But-_

_This is all one big trap you moron. He's a manipulator, just waiting for you to let your guard down. He wants to win you over entirely before he destroys you completely. You'll never get another opportunity like this. You know what you have to do._

I couldn't fight my subconscious anymore. I swallowed, rising once again from the bed and edging to the bathroom. The hinges were all well oiled, none of them creaking and waking him like I hoped they would. The thumping of my heart got harder, faster, and louder as each of the three doors in my way slowly swung open. Gingerly, I reached my fingers in the black basket, delicately grasping around the cold, hard metal. Without so much as a crinkle, it was pulled out of the sack, glistening deceivingly. It was in my control; not a phrase I'd been able to stay often. I practically glided across the floor to his chair, not a single board creaked. It was as if destiny was guiding me to do this.

But again, I hesitated.

The wrinkles of worry were evident in his brow. A sheen of sweat coated his shirtless arms and chest. Had he ever gotten a good night's sleep? Was he once as good as I? Is my hope just youthful, and dies with age for everyone? As I looked at the blade, my arm felt numb. My hand was trembling as it got closer to its target. I didn't want to do this. Flashes of the day before yesterday raced through my mind. No, I didn't want to do this at all. But I had to. It was my duty. Just as his was to cull the herd, mine was to save it.

Something wet rolled down my cheek as I inched closer. A nauseous feeling rumbled around in my stomach. I was so absolutely weak. There should've been no hesitation, but I was full of it. Squinting my eyes shut, I internally whispered a prayer that divine intervention should stop me if I needed to be stopped. I lunged.

Echoing throughout the compound, came that dreadful tune. I dropped the razor, it landed on his leg and he shot up as my hands went to my ears and I screamed. In surprise, fear, anguish… it all blurred into that red fog.

"Please, I'm so sorry. Don't make me do this…" My eyes closed and consciousness left me as I watched him take in the situation and look down at me with that same murderous intent he always had. He would never know how strangely hard my decision was in the first place. I would die, with nothing accomplished. Hope county would be left behind.

_I failed._

My breath came out of my nose in a worried shake. This time was different. There was no murder, no time limit, no endless fog. Just blackness. As I opened my soaked eyes, my wet eyelashes touched the tip of my lids and I took in my new room. It was quite similar to the one I first met Jacob in. Dark, quiet. I was even strapped in the chair in exactly the same way. The only difference, was the projector no longer showed angry wolves and gaunt deers. It replayed over and over a scene I did not want to remember.

A camera atop the fireplace had caught my heinous crime. My botched murder. Again and again I glided from the bathroom, stopped, and went for his vulnerable throat. I was in utter turmoil. Did I feel more guilty about failing, or trying to kill him in the first place? I owed nothing to him. My thoughts made no sense.

"Did you know Deputy, that if Pratt wouldn't have once again tried hopelessly to escape me, I would in fact be dead? Imagine my surprise, that the moment I grant you the tiniest bit of freedom and kindness, it comes back to bite me in the ass." His deep voice drawled with that slight southern accent, as his boots thudded closer, and louder. "But what interests me most, is that hesitation. Now why would you go and do that? You know who I am. You know what I do. You probably even knew that you'd end up back here. Yet you still took a moment to… what?" He came around, placing his hands on both the chair's arm rests, slightly gripping my restrained wrists as he leaned in. "Would you mind filling me in on that last bit, sweet cheeks?"

He was close enough I could once again smell that smokey musk. Grey eyes pierced my own and my heart seemed to race out of my chest. The tears streamed seamlessly down my face. I didn't have my mask anymore, I couldn't hide my emotions. Couldn't hide my fear. I swallowed deep, unknowing and terrified of how to respond. His grip on my wrists tightened slowly in my silence. My bottom lip quivered in terror. I opened my mouth to respond but no noise came out. Was I supposed to apologize? Yell? Spit in his face?

The inner conflict was too much, I was resolved with my fate. I knew the risks when I went to the bathroom and grabbed that weapon. I knew he would no longer trust me, and if I failed, he would kill me. Eyes closed, I took a calming breath. I steadied my lip the best I could as I waited for my impending doom. However I couldn't stop those damned tears. I also couldn't deny, as I felt the heat from his body radiating on me as if a physical symptom of his anger, there was overwhelming guilt I felt for letting my heart stop my mission. My own personal vendetta killed how many innocent citizens of Hope county I would never know.

I waited for the blow. The song. The pain. I just needed it to be done and over with. There would be no one to report my death too. Yes, the citizens of Hope county might be affected. However, without my mask, they didn't even know who I was. Nobody knew me without the mask. Hell, I couldn't remember the last time someone called my name. I would die. The name Deputy might be a whisper on the rebellious wind, but I would not be remembered by anyone.

"Deputy," he half growled. "I'm still waiting for an answer."

Unable to hold back, the words spilled from my lips like bourbon from a broken bottle.

"_I- I'm- I'm so sorry." _It was more whimpers than words. "I've- I've failed everyone. I'm n-not strong. I hide behind a-a mask and I s-slink in and kill peo-people that could be innocent."

My voice broke on the last word, it took me a minute to get the strength to continue. All the while Jacob's eyes never left my own. His rough hands stayed firmly gripping my wrists. They were so warm. Desperate to cling to anything, I let those be my strength and anchor as I continued.

"I don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes. I don't know if the world is actually ending. What if it is and I'm just killing all these people for no reason? I, I paused because I needed to pray. If there was some chance, that there was some God way up there, I asked that He would stop me. That if I was wrong, and the world was indeed ending, that He would please stop me." Up to this point, my voice had been trembling; but with the new found strength in revealing my truth, I looked up to meet Jacob's intense gaze. "Because for some reason, I didn't want to kill you. Maybe, it is Stockholm syndrome and I am falling for a very carefully laid manipulative trap. But the slightest doubt, however, stopped me. If you're still going to kill me, I ask that you bury the mask with me. Let the legend of the Deputy die out on it's own." Once again, my voice broke. My last sentence came out as a tear filled whisper. "It's all I have."

All the while, he just watched me break. Silently the tears fell. It felt good to get the inner demons out in the open before finally letting go. My wrist felt cool as his hand lifted towards my face. My eye contact didn't waver, I tried not to show my fear of the first blow. As a it came towards my face my head stayed steady. I refused to shut my eyes. I would stay strong in the fate I chose. However this didn't stop me from flinching whenever the palm finally made contact with my cheek. But no pain exploded from my face. No neck cracked to the side from the force of the hit. There was no hit at all. Jacob simply cupped my cheek with his hand, brushing away a tear with his calloused thumb. I couldn't help but lean into him and close my eyes. I didn't know if this was just a trap, a sick game of his before he really came for me. But I was done caring. Sick of being alone, I accepted the comfort I was being offered. He knew something of what lay beyond the mask; he was the only one. Someone, anyone else, could take the responsibility of being the Deputy. I couldn't take it anymore. As I felt cool air on my other wrist, I let out one more whisper.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. Forgive me." With the pinch of a needle in my forearm, blackness took over.

I'm not sure how long ago, but I woke up alone. It was in that same dark cave that sheltered me for as long as it could the night Jacob took me. I pounded the ground and cried out. And then it was over. I left that cave, mask strapped to my face, and moved on. I blamed previous events on a nervous breakdown and continued my mission. Ignoring the whispers of doubt, I slaughtered cultists like I never had. Caution was thrown to the wind. I did everything I could to get attention - even bombing the large statue of Joseph near the Henbane river. It's probably how I ended up captive yet again.

The chains rubbed my skin raw. I moaned allowed again, waiting for the hot lashes to finally stop burning. Why? _Why did I ever think he would be the only one to catch me? _

My short time of freedom was bitter sweet. Yes, I was free, but also insanely lonely. And now this. I was walking to my ATV after shooting a cultist and freeing a citizen, but I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy pushing away guilt from possibly murdering innocent people, Jacob's words still rang in my head.

_"Do you realize, with your stupidity you call heroism, with your ideas of freedom and glory, you have doomed them all?"_

I screamed as the whip went all the way across my body. It hurt. So bad. I had screamed for help, for it to stop, even for death. But this time, I finally let anything fall from my bleeding lips. As the leather and glass cracked itself over my skin I said the three subconscious words I didn't even know I thought. A wish that had yet to be granted.

"Jacob, forgive me!" I couldn't fight anymore.

This was it. There was no "rest and be strong" or "wait for my escape." The chains on my wrists had another end so high I couldn't see it, my toes would ever so often brush the ground, but no more. I couldn't do it anymore. My strength left my body with those three words, head hanging limp.

Blurry chaos filled my ears. Tears just rolled down my cheeks. No food, rarely sleep, and barely any water. _Get it together you don't have the hydration to cry. _Oh, but I was. I couldn't stop it either. I lifted my head, searching for my captor, the whip holder, the master. I suffered at that last name. If I forgot or called him by anything other, I was beat harsher, longer, and lost my cup of water for the day. All I wore were tattered remains of clothes. My body was covered in bloody sins, the newest right over my nether regions: lust. The mask had been broken to let my mouth breathe freely. He said he needed to hear me confess, but I knew John just liked the screams.

Everything was amuck. The room blurred, my tears skewing my vision immensely. Then my eyes landed on a blurry form I thought I would never see again. One that towered above the others. A form of power. A form that upon seeing started rushing over to me.

Two gruff hands encased my blood crusted face. How long had I waited to see those steel eyes? How long had I yearned for him to hold me just one more time? A choking sob burst through my cracked lips as he peeled the metal from me. It was the only thing to dream of outside of here. The only thing besides the Deputy I had.

"Please Jacob, I'm so sorry. Please! I promise I won't fight anymore. I'm so sorry, please for -" I was cut off as another urge took over. I turned my head away, trying to get his hand off. A low whine sent the message, he moved it, standing slightly to the side. I coughed and spit, the tears falling harder with the burn. There was a small pool of blood where he had been standing. I felt it still dripping off my lips as I looked up.

"Please Jacob, help me."

The one hand on my face tensed significantly. The other raised to wipe the blood off my mouth with its thumb.

"The key," the grit of his teeth and the growl in his voice would've made me flinch. But it was _for me_, not directed _at me_. He was angry for me. No one moved to follow his command, eyes darting to one another with murmurs throughout.

"Now!" He bellowed. Mentally, I slightly jumped, not ready for the tone. Physically, all I could do was lean further into his palm. Even with the chains he still stood higher than me, leaning over and resting his forehead on my own. "I'm so sorry."

His hands moved from my face to the back of my head and around my body. As a cultist released the shackles I fell entirely into Jacob. His broad chest encased what was left of my body, giving a feeling of safety.

_Jacob. When did I start to feel safe only with you? Is this truly Stockholm? Or have… no. You're just my protector. I need you._

"Jacob…" I creaked. "Jacob forgive me."

"Little Rook, you're forgiven," the grumble filled my soul with relief. I knew I, not the Deputy, but little ol' me, would be missed by someone. I wouldn't be forgotten, I didn't have to fight to be remembered anymore. Jacob would remember me. So, encased by his body, I sighed. A final breath left me, and as my eyes rolled to the back of my head, I went still in his arms.


End file.
